Adnan Farooqui

Love is a choice, being asked to submit a case study on the topic; I decided to do some research and try to figure out at what exactly I was working at.




The title is based on a paper back book by authors Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth and Paul Meier M.D. Having valiantly flipped through the book, I found some enlisted cases to be quite intriguing. The book basically focuses on letting go of unhealthy relationships, be it marriage, relationships, intimate and physical relationships and also cons of codependent relationships.



Why I seem to seem to differ from the authors is that letting go or giving up is not always an option that might yield you the results that you require. In my perspective, letting go is actually acclaiming the fact that you can not cope up with a certain obstacle that life may have hurled in your way and so you tend to give up. In the case of relationships, which are serious for both the partners, sometimes issues and differences evolve, it is only natural, but that does not necessarily mean that you resolve on parting ways.



Although that I must say that I approved of the title, which eventually was made the topic of my study, that yes, love is definitely a choice, although, for some.



In the book I found three cases worthy of proper attention, in the start a case of unhappy marriage is mentioned, where both of the participants are having a hard time living together with each other and see divorce as the only way out. One partner observes, although sarcastically, that death for the other would have please him the most. One such is the case where endings, though how bad they might have to be, are inevitable.



The second case gives us the insight into the bad beginnings of two people, scathed by poverty, but determination leads them into more bountiful endings. The case is not about two people in marriage, it is about their offspring who acquires a raging desire for sexual please, comes close to bringing his matrimonial life to a bad end but does not pay heed to the advice of his parents, naturally the parents get worried about the well-being of their offspring.



The third case, needless to say intrigued me the most, expressed the story of one such individual who did not pay heed to the want of love in one’s life, though having everything a man of conscience could demand for, but solitude had taken its toll on his life. The person had suffered the loss of his mother at an early age, his father, though as rich and aristocratic as one can be, termed him the cause for the series of unfortunate events and banished him under virtue of boarding and apprenticeships. The person comes to the clinic, though half heartedly, not knowing why he was wasting his time to go under treatment when he considered himself not needing any. When asked why did he prefer solitude and did not consider love to be a part of his life he rages and exits the room.



They say no matter how solitude loving a man can get, no matter how he tries to defy the auras of love, there comes a time in his life when he just wants to relax after a day’s long work; he just wants to come home to a hot supper waiting at the table, he wants to relax in his cozy chair while a pair of loving hands hand him a mug of his favorite brand of coffee, he wants to be controlled by a pair of those loving hands, who would not hear a word of resentment and lead him towards the four poster, engulfing him into the fiery depths of passion for the one, forcing his soul to meet his lifeless body as he indulges in the act, which sends cold and frigid shivers of ecstasy up his spine, he would love to be received by wide open arms after when he relives, say he would want to lie in those arms and watch the night slowly fade away.



This is the case with most men, a handsomely paying job, a quiet and discrete life and someone to consummate with. Needless to say that this is been a norm of the world for many centuries and will continue to be for as long as this universe is intact. I ask the question, is it impossible to life a quite life on your own? Is it necessary to have someone who would lovingly gnaw at your earlobes? Is it mandatory to cherish each smile hurled at you, each approving smile that would make your heart rapidly beat, commanding you to throw yourself into pleasure?



I think no, none of this actually completes a man, what does is his own determination, the one weakness that man faces is the opposite sex, which brings him down to such extent that he loses aim; he becomes weak and only thinks of him plus that special someone.



Love is a choice, it can not be forced and it can not be endured when it is forced. Love is a feeling not a commandment. Love is an expression not a constitution. Love is life but not the elixir. Love is a question not the answer. Love is excitement, love is pleasure, love is enchanting, love is undying but it is not the reason. Love is death and the reason for a life worse than death.



Affection and inclination, to me, is one of the basic ground rules of love. It can not be induced, it can although be grown. Hast decisions in these matters always, I must endorse this point, always, leads to confrontations and complications. I give a medieval example for this matter:



In 1814, Jane Austen wrote a letter to her niece, Fanny Knight, who had asked for advice about a serious relationship, telling her that "having written so much on one side of the question, I shall now turn around; entreat you not to commit yourself farther, not to think of accepting him unless you really do like him. Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without Affection".



Jane Austen, a popular novel wright of the eighteenth century, has impeccably and inquisitively expressed the whole dilemma in a nutshell. “Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without Affection” I completely and fully endorse this statement. If one is to love, it has to be whole heartedly, it can not be just for the sake of passing ones time, it can not be the result of entering your twilight years, yet it has to be that sentiment, it has to be that emotion, which strikes you at whatever age at life, be it maturity or adolescence, it has to have such possessive strength, such scent, such aura, which engulfs the person from head to foot in a burning sensation, one that is enough to make him endure the toughest of situations throughout all his life whether he has to do it alone.



For those who succumbed to the hostilities of love, love is unquestionably a choice. It is not impossible to live only with the memories and thoughts of the one loved, rather than finding someone else just to momentarily stop the bruises from pain any further. For one true lover, one such thought is enough to stop him from loving someone else, when he pictures being passionate with someone else while the thought of the one he originally loved and will never cease to love looms in front of his eyes, it is not only doing injustice to the other person, but it is actually acclaiming your own defeat, your own defeat at losing someone and then trying to compensate for the damage by playing with someone else’s life. It is not mandatory to do such a thing, for love is a choice.






Farooqu|