Adnan Farooqui

I stand alone
In search of someone
Loving and caring,
Who has a promise
To stay with me forever.
I have experienced
A lot of heartaches
And I've lost someone
Who was so dear to me.
There was a time when i used to see
Love in your eyes,
The love, which was wise
True and pure
But I was mistaken,
For it was not meant for me,
But for someone else.
All my hopes were dashed,
My life became dark,
Leaving a deep mark
Of sorrow and pain.
My heart stopped beating,
But i did not cry,
Because i realized that
It was not you....
Who loved me
But it was I who loved you.


Farooqu|

Often! We use these words “like and love” in lieu of our expression as say; therefore to convey our feel with respect to the one, whom we are involved or attached emotionally, psychologically or sensitively.
What are these terms, liking, and loving?
Are they synonymous or have their own domain of explanation as mean, though are extensively in our daily impression of expression as interest; or are they in real means variant specie as word with vast denomination in vocabulary of definition.
In my opinion these phrases have diversified dominion.
“Like” is a term that takes off its plight from theme as desire.
It has an attitude that encompasses senses as feel.
It’s a craving dire as desire that weighs things on comparative caliper thus; sorting it in to preference as priority.
This verb as adjective relies completely on feel as perception and is an interpreted and integrated phenomenon of pleasing sensation awarding transient euphoria.
This verb has soothing effect that console mind but immediately vanishes when similar desire with more dominant effect overcome thus perishing the crave by new miscellaneous.
It is a superficial feel with no emotional attachment but; with psychological belief as congruent of console.
Where as on the other hand! Love is an undefined phase of emotional derangement, which completely take over psychological behavior as; reaction, mood, sensation and integrated perception.
It is an undeclared fate as compulsive destiny that routes feeling through the depth of heart without the element of integrated belief as logic.
It is a state of mind which paralyzes senses and takes over rule and reign of perception via a new module of concealed power of heart as autonomy.
This powerful impulsive force has no limits of sight and boundaries as dominion rather it pursues its course through the spectra of self sacrifice for an unknown cause; you may call love.
This is a faith in one’s own thought that pulls individuals mind and soul as possession or preoccupation.
It’s an undeclared war against own thinking mechanic thereby give-up by surrendering even before footing in to the ground hence; announcing the bugle of war as submission.
It is the only legitimate action of human errorless transgression of mind that award its own worthy function of interpretation  to heart as compassion; thereby obeying the same recessive command as interpretation;  vide the melodious signals’ of its beat.
In my opinion; it is the story of submission of will, velocity and thrill in lieu of obsession as passion so to sacrifice sign, signature and soul; in reward and award as honor, of this undefined verb as “love or lunacy”.
“This is very much easy rather within own domain to sort our love as passion.
In my opinion: Simply disregard what you like and you would feel the depth and essence of real love.
Real love lies far behind your integrated feel as perception.
It takes off from crave till its final static flight as completely lunatic under obsession as passion hence handicapped.”

 SOURCE


Farooqu|

Love is a choice, being asked to submit a case study on the topic; I decided to do some research and try to figure out at what exactly I was working at.




The title is based on a paper back book by authors Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth and Paul Meier M.D. Having valiantly flipped through the book, I found some enlisted cases to be quite intriguing. The book basically focuses on letting go of unhealthy relationships, be it marriage, relationships, intimate and physical relationships and also cons of codependent relationships.



Why I seem to seem to differ from the authors is that letting go or giving up is not always an option that might yield you the results that you require. In my perspective, letting go is actually acclaiming the fact that you can not cope up with a certain obstacle that life may have hurled in your way and so you tend to give up. In the case of relationships, which are serious for both the partners, sometimes issues and differences evolve, it is only natural, but that does not necessarily mean that you resolve on parting ways.



Although that I must say that I approved of the title, which eventually was made the topic of my study, that yes, love is definitely a choice, although, for some.



In the book I found three cases worthy of proper attention, in the start a case of unhappy marriage is mentioned, where both of the participants are having a hard time living together with each other and see divorce as the only way out. One partner observes, although sarcastically, that death for the other would have please him the most. One such is the case where endings, though how bad they might have to be, are inevitable.



The second case gives us the insight into the bad beginnings of two people, scathed by poverty, but determination leads them into more bountiful endings. The case is not about two people in marriage, it is about their offspring who acquires a raging desire for sexual please, comes close to bringing his matrimonial life to a bad end but does not pay heed to the advice of his parents, naturally the parents get worried about the well-being of their offspring.



The third case, needless to say intrigued me the most, expressed the story of one such individual who did not pay heed to the want of love in one’s life, though having everything a man of conscience could demand for, but solitude had taken its toll on his life. The person had suffered the loss of his mother at an early age, his father, though as rich and aristocratic as one can be, termed him the cause for the series of unfortunate events and banished him under virtue of boarding and apprenticeships. The person comes to the clinic, though half heartedly, not knowing why he was wasting his time to go under treatment when he considered himself not needing any. When asked why did he prefer solitude and did not consider love to be a part of his life he rages and exits the room.



They say no matter how solitude loving a man can get, no matter how he tries to defy the auras of love, there comes a time in his life when he just wants to relax after a day’s long work; he just wants to come home to a hot supper waiting at the table, he wants to relax in his cozy chair while a pair of loving hands hand him a mug of his favorite brand of coffee, he wants to be controlled by a pair of those loving hands, who would not hear a word of resentment and lead him towards the four poster, engulfing him into the fiery depths of passion for the one, forcing his soul to meet his lifeless body as he indulges in the act, which sends cold and frigid shivers of ecstasy up his spine, he would love to be received by wide open arms after when he relives, say he would want to lie in those arms and watch the night slowly fade away.



This is the case with most men, a handsomely paying job, a quiet and discrete life and someone to consummate with. Needless to say that this is been a norm of the world for many centuries and will continue to be for as long as this universe is intact. I ask the question, is it impossible to life a quite life on your own? Is it necessary to have someone who would lovingly gnaw at your earlobes? Is it mandatory to cherish each smile hurled at you, each approving smile that would make your heart rapidly beat, commanding you to throw yourself into pleasure?



I think no, none of this actually completes a man, what does is his own determination, the one weakness that man faces is the opposite sex, which brings him down to such extent that he loses aim; he becomes weak and only thinks of him plus that special someone.



Love is a choice, it can not be forced and it can not be endured when it is forced. Love is a feeling not a commandment. Love is an expression not a constitution. Love is life but not the elixir. Love is a question not the answer. Love is excitement, love is pleasure, love is enchanting, love is undying but it is not the reason. Love is death and the reason for a life worse than death.



Affection and inclination, to me, is one of the basic ground rules of love. It can not be induced, it can although be grown. Hast decisions in these matters always, I must endorse this point, always, leads to confrontations and complications. I give a medieval example for this matter:



In 1814, Jane Austen wrote a letter to her niece, Fanny Knight, who had asked for advice about a serious relationship, telling her that "having written so much on one side of the question, I shall now turn around; entreat you not to commit yourself farther, not to think of accepting him unless you really do like him. Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without Affection".



Jane Austen, a popular novel wright of the eighteenth century, has impeccably and inquisitively expressed the whole dilemma in a nutshell. “Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without Affection” I completely and fully endorse this statement. If one is to love, it has to be whole heartedly, it can not be just for the sake of passing ones time, it can not be the result of entering your twilight years, yet it has to be that sentiment, it has to be that emotion, which strikes you at whatever age at life, be it maturity or adolescence, it has to have such possessive strength, such scent, such aura, which engulfs the person from head to foot in a burning sensation, one that is enough to make him endure the toughest of situations throughout all his life whether he has to do it alone.



For those who succumbed to the hostilities of love, love is unquestionably a choice. It is not impossible to live only with the memories and thoughts of the one loved, rather than finding someone else just to momentarily stop the bruises from pain any further. For one true lover, one such thought is enough to stop him from loving someone else, when he pictures being passionate with someone else while the thought of the one he originally loved and will never cease to love looms in front of his eyes, it is not only doing injustice to the other person, but it is actually acclaiming your own defeat, your own defeat at losing someone and then trying to compensate for the damage by playing with someone else’s life. It is not mandatory to do such a thing, for love is a choice.






Farooqu|

I lie here hopelessly, the dark silent depths of my room consume of whatever soul is left inside me. I can sense a melancholy stillness in the room as though a soul as been ripped apart from its body, leaving behind nothing but a sad, emotionless sculpture of clay. My mind as always, is preoccupied with the thoughts and memories of the time spent with her. I haven’t noticed that the moisture I feel is due to the tears rolling down, so silently that I too am unaware. Not wanting to open my eyes, fearing sighting the lights as dawn breaks. Behind closed eyes, I see your face, beautiful and angelic as ever. A smile plays across my lips as I remember that I am fighting for a lost cause. My amusement at the realization of my own defeat is a mystery to me, why I can’t seem to feel pain while watching the love of my life slipping through my own fingers? Maybe it’s because of the fact that my love has not turned me into a selfish and demanding creature, maybe my love wants me to out my self at pain and agony just to see someone happy, or maybe it is because of the fact that I have faced so much pain, so much has been taken away from me that I don’t seem to be bothered if the meaning of my life is snatched away from me. Fact is to feel pain for loss, you have to have something first, I never had the love I imagined and maybe that is the reason behind me feeing happy at my own defeat.

I try to open my eyes, I shield them as my eyes have difficulty in being accustomed to the light, I do not know how late it is in the morning, I wasn’t able to sleep the night before, I look out of the window and try to figure out. I notice the gentle splatter of rain drops on the roof above, creating such sounds as if an orchestra maestro showing off his skills and that explains that uncanny dark sky outside. I sigh heavily because rain wouldn’t help uplift my mood. Bad memories from the past are attached to it, every time something bad has happened, it has always rained, be it before or after, and today it brings the feeling that I might ultimately lose the love my life and the reason for me staying alive will altogether be gone.

My mind is still groggy, even though I didn’t sleep; I was sort of in an unconscious state. I turn sides as I reach out for my cell, I squint at the screen as my eyes try to find something that I’ve internally been wishing for, disappointed, I let it fall down next to me. I start looking around my room, hating every bit of it from the core of my heart; these walls bring nothing but solitude and perseverance, as if I am being punished for bad deeds of my past life. My eye catches something red stuck to my arm, I see half of my left hand red with clotted blood and I could see fresh blood glistening under those deep cuts, I try to recall when and why did I actually did this to myself, having no memory of it, I let my arm slide down. The gentle trickle of blood from the cuts sends cold shivers of pain up my spine, I, loving every ounce of pain that I could achieve, let it flow. I know that going through this whole lifetime without the one I love is going to be excruciating for me, the pain that I will have to endure will be nowhere as close to what I feel now, so I try to accustom myself to the sense of pain, pain that threatens to take away my life.


I lift up my head to get a glimpse; light breaks the silent depths of my room, half of it being blocked by my partially closed window. I raise a hand to wipe my face, still lost in deep thought I pick up my pen and start to write whatever that is circulating inside my mind and making half of me go insane. Words have always been a magnificent source of expression for me, I knew the only way I could beat the pain and despair of this moment was to write something that could portray my thoughts without leaving a trace of remorse inside me. I write my first few words, taking a moment to smile at the name written in my thin slant, almost a sense of being reborn and being thrown back in to the fiery depths of love. I think for a moment what to write, the whole morning I could not keep myself from admiring the flawless beauty that had captivated my mind, but the words do not tend to flow. I go over it in my head once more. I close my eyes and her face looms in front of me, the depth of her eyes deeper than any ocean, the spark in her eyes enough to make the brightest of thunder flashes shy, the glow of her angelic face not even comparable to the nights of the full moon, the curls of her lashes concealing the light from eyes like a total eclipse, her voice sweet and melodic, unlike any sound ever heard of, her laughter ever so rhythmic. The long hair, darker than any pitch black night, dance joyfully in the blowing air, giving a sense of twilight approaching in the darkest of hopeless nights.

It is just like one of those moments when I am completely lost in thought, having no sense of my own presence, a moment that never ends. Every passing second etches the memories deeper in my mind, making me prone to succumb to my own thoughts. It would not be an exaggeration to tell her that if I collected a flower for every time I thought of her, I could wander in my own garden forever.


I open my eyes and look at the piece of paper; damp blotches seemed to have materialized on it, smiling to myself I tear it apart knowing that I would not be able to write anyway. I wipe my tears, laughing silently at my own weak state. I hear the familiar tone of my cell; hear it as if I am standing at the end of a long tunnel, broken from my thoughts of her, I reach out for it, I grin as I read her name comes up on my screen, loving her ever so perfect timing, my head falls back to the pillow as I press it to my ear, and stop myself from saying, I Love You.

*Excerpt from an adapted screenplay by me.

Farooqu|

Earlier this week, I attended a talk about Islam and homosexuality at a medical school in Karachi. The very fact that medical practitioners, particularly psychiatrists, were gathering to discuss the subject piqued my interest. After all, a variety of psychological and physical ailments have been documented in patients who suppress or conceal their sexual identities in conservative societies.

But I was disappointed to learn that the lecturer was taking a historical perspective and simply tracing the history of homosexuality in Muslim societies. It would have been far more interesting to hear a debate about the prevalence of homosexuality in contemporary Muslim societies and consider ways in which psychiatrists and GPs respond to patients who are gay, and whether approaches differ if patients embrace their sexual identity or consider it an affliction.

Still, it was encouraging to see some acknowledgement within our local medical community that homosexuality is a phenomenon worth keeping in mind when dealing with patients (and what better place to start than at the very beginning). For readers who are now expecting a grand theological debate about whether homosexuality is permitted in Islam, feel free to click elsewhere on this website. That question is still up for debate, with some Muslim groups condemning homosexual acts as a sin and others arguing that it is natural, and therefore created and condoned by the Almighty. This post simply considers how Muslim societies deal with homosexuality in practice.

The fact that Muslim societies are struggling to figure out how to respond to homosexuals in their midst is perfectly illustrated by Iran. A few years ago, the country enraged human rights groups and made headlines when it publicly hung two young men – one 18, the other a minor – for being gay. Soon after, President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad further irked the global community by flat-out denying that there were any homosexuals in Iran. How then, the world asked, can you hang young men for something doesn’t exist and thus couldn’t have happened? Ahmedinejad’s – and Iran’s – confusion about what to do with homosexuals is widespread in the ummah – should Muslim societies seek out and punish homosexuals? Ignore their very existence? Or acknowledge that they live and – gasp! – worship in Muslim societies and therefore protect their human and constitutional rights?

To help address some of these questions, the lecturer went back in time to the Ottoman and Abbasid empires, during which homosexuality was commonly practiced and socially tolerated, though not explicitly legally protected. Back then, the lecturer explained, there were various reasons for homosexual behaviour (including lesbianism) being widespread.

Firstly, the legal system was multifaceted and did not take a decisive stand on homosexuality. Cases were judged either by the sultan’s law, common law or shariah, of which only the last had an opinion about homosexuality. Homosexuals were rarely taken to court on account of their homosexuality – if they did end up before a judge or qazi, it was for another social transgression (such as disturbing the peace). According to the lecturer, and here I summarise, the thinking at the time was that people’s sexuality was no one’s business unless they made a nuisance of themselves. Qazis who did pass judgement on homosexuals usually did not punish them for their sexuality per se, but for their conduct with regards to social norms (so, if someone abducted a young boy or committed a sexual act near a school, they would be punished for kidnapping or indecency and not for homosexuality).

Legal crackdowns on homosexuals during various Islamic empires were also few and far between because the burden of proof on the accuser was immense. As Brian Whitaker sums it up for The Guardian:

Furthermore, the levels of proof required by Islamic law are so high that if the rules are properly applied no one need ever be convicted unless they do something extremely blatant, like having sex in the street in broad daylight.

The lecturer also explained that if a person accused someone else of homosexuality and was not able to muster up the required evidence or witnesses, they would be permanently discredited and prohibited from testifying before any shariah court again.

In addition to legal laxity, homosexuality was prevalent in the Islamic empires because the cultures prescribed to a ‘one sex model’ in which conceptions of beauty were the same for men and women. The lecturer showed several miniature paintings from the Abbasid era in which men and women were indistinguishable (check out this famous illustration of Shah Abbas with a wine boy). Men would wear make up and drape themselves in gowns and jewels while women with downy mustaches were considered the most attractive (apparently, women would paint on mustaches to seem more comely!) Youth – rather than femininity or masculinity – was idealised, thereby eliminating the taboo around homosexual relationships.

Given the permissive attitudes of previous Muslim societies, how then did we get to a point where minors can be hung for being gay? The lecturer argued (convincingly, I might add) that present-day homophobia in Muslim societies is a fallout of the colonial encounter. Her logic relied on several premises.

Firstly, Europe subscribed to the ‘two sex model’ in which women were feminine and desired by men. Secondly, at the end of the eighteenth century, Europe, which was at the tail end of the Enlightenment, had reconfigured homosexuality from being a ‘sin’ into an ‘abnormality.’ When Catholicism was dominant, homosexuals were sinning against God, and could thus be managed (all that was needed was for them to confess their sin and atone by saying a few Hail Marys). As rationalism and science replaced God, homosexuality became a medical disorder, which was more threatening and harder to ‘cure’. Therefore, when ascendant European powers began to infiltrate the Muslim empires, homosexuality in the West was considered abnormal and inappropriate.

Now, as Muslims began traveling to Europe – which by this point was more progressive and wealthy than the Ottoman and Persian empires, and in some cases beginning to colonise the eastern powers – they saw that homosexual practices that were common and acceptable in their societies were considered abnormal in the West. They also began to wonder whether this ‘abnormal’ behaviour was not the cause of their weakness in the face of European colonialists. It was these initial encounters that began to taint the practice of homosexuality in Muslim societies.

And the rest, as they say, is history. With references to present-day Muslim societies and their attitudes towards homosexuality, Whitaker writes:

Nevertheless, while attitudes towards homosexuality in the west over the last few decades have generally been liberalising, Muslim countries have been moving in the opposite direction. This is largely a result of international politics. Perceptions of a domineering west, coupled with fears of globalisation and modernity have brought a revival of imagined “customs and traditions”, along with the spread of rigid and puritanical versions of religion.

The phenomenon he describes, however, is not that recent. According to the lecturer, as Muslim empires were colonised, they laid claim to the one thing that their colonial masters had not tainted and could not influence – Islam. And this they began to cling to in its most extreme and literal version. Since the mid-nineteenth century, then, Muslim societies have been largely anti-gay. Shariah courts that would previously disregard homosexual acts came to punish them harshly.

Or that, at least is the perception. Hearing the lecturer speak about the attitude towards homosexuals in the Ottoman and Abbasid empires, I couldn’t help but see parallels with modern-day Pakistan. Admittedly, there are no openly gay men in our society (and if there are, they suffer the consequences of social isolation, professional discrimination, and in many cases, arranged marriages which result in psychological trauma both for the man and the unfortunate woman he marries).

At the same time, though, we have Begum Nawazish Ali on our airwaves, hijras on every street corner, young ‘maalish walas’ at every roundabout, Dostana in our cinemas, innumerable curse words for homosexual men in our vernacular, and foppish characters in every comic skit. As Irfan Husain puts it:

This aspect of human sexuality is rampant in our part of the world, much as we would like to sweep it under the carpet….

Despite our prudish pretence, the fact is that we are relatively tolerant of homosexual behaviour. Our literature contains many references to romantic attachment between men. And for years, homosexuality in Pashtun society has been an open secret, although it might well be exaggerated. According to local tradition, many men live by the credo “Women for duty; boys for pleasure.”

While social mores condemn homosexuality and Pakistan’s didactic middle-class says ‘tauba tauba’ at the very thought of same-sex relations, we are thankfully not at the stage where there are witch-hunts for homosexuals. It seems as if the historic Muslim attitude towards gay men applies here too – out of sight, out of mind. As long as homosexuals don’t fly rainbow flags from atop the Teen Talwar, we don’t mind if they’re in our midst.

Indeed, as long as homosexuals are willing to preserve the façade of a heterosexual social order in which men and women get married and have babies, they probably have little to fear (at least in terms of prosecution and state punishment – society’s righteousness is another matter altogether). What this status quo denies them, though, is the option of ever celebrating their sexual identity. Gay pride is something I do not see on the horizon for homosexuals in Pakistan. But in an age where regard for human rights should trump all, they deserve better than that. One can only hope that the current era of don’t-ask-don’t-tell tolerance evolves into something more progressive and open. Sadly, looking at present-day Pakistan as it abandons social tolerance for blind extremism, it seems as if history truly is fated to repeat itself.

Really? To me this sentiment seems a bit vague. Teenage love, its all the hype these days. Visit any coffee shop, restaurant, sheesha bar or a shopping mall, its all over the place these days. Young high school kids with their girlfriends frolicking around these places showing the maximum amount of PDA one can imagine. If you think watching two couples make out at a bar which is strictly "ghetto-ish" is not enough PDA, you are probably just another retard that i have to bear like everyone else. I mean come on, you can't just possibly imagine that things might work out with a girl you first laid your eyes on when you crossed puberty. Its a known fact that guys like to "get in" real quick and then they like to "get out" even faster when something goes wrong, and after they break up with that alleged soul mate of their's, they start looking for a (so called) rebound "Love Affair". While girls see the other side of the picture, the one that guys always want to stay hidden. THE FUTURE! yes it the worst nightmare of every guy who has been in a relationship with smokin' hot booty, has made out with smokin' hot booty like a gazilion times and has touched every part reachable to mankind of smokin' hot booty. (Note to the guys *smokin' hot booty is that so called hawt girlfriend of yours) while miss smokin' hot booty has planned on having five children, has thought of their names, has thought of the city you would be moving to after you guys "tie the knot" and has even decided what kind of a dog she will be getting for the children. Reality check douchebags! its all B.S.! Guys come on, have you no dignity? how can you go around snogging each and every girl you have ever gone out with and fight a guy who tries to go out with your own sister? As you sow so shall you reap you ignorant douchebags!. Its a thing both the teenage genders need to realize, and the thing is that wake up! literally this isnt an episode of 90210, you guys are not unreligious infidels who are filthy stinkin' rich, this goes against the rules of the society you reside in and the society you are a part of. Guys please, show some morality you morons, if you really "Love" your teenage puppy lovey dubbey sweetie cutie pie crush, then stay with the thought of being with her even when you can't take a trip to your shitter on your own! rather than talking to her at night whilst that projector at the back of your head shows you making out with the extremely hot chick that joined your tution yesterday....
I am not saying that everyone is like this, i personally know some people who have remained true to their commitments despite the problems, but come the F on people, this is the ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF PAKISTAN! you guys are representing a religion here, show some respect and honour a*holes!
The composition of this post wasnt to disheart the young romeo's out there, but i stand by my argument of satisfying your sexual urges with a girl who might just think that you might be the one for her, just for the sake of doing it and just for the "status" you will be getting from your friends when they hear that you made out with a girl on whom half of mankind has a crush, and seriously guys, that is something not meant for sharing in your community when you are lucky enough on seizing the moment, ask those who havnt had a chance yet, i am sure you would be utterly surprised by their responses when you tell them that you are going public with you sexual experiences.

*PDA is short for Public Display Of Affection.

Farooqu|